Anyway, here is one of my first attempts.  I’m way into yellow lately, so I, of course, had to make a yellow board.

Turn your face to the sun – by frenchfry28 on Polyvore.com
Needless to say, I’ll be polyvoring a lot more and will also try to use it for creating inspiration boards for rooms in my hous

Now it’s not as if I’m sitting at my desk picking my nose, but I do eat at my desk, probably make faces while I’m doing things and I just generally don’t want to feel like an animal at the zoo.  I act naturally throughout the day and don’t really feel like being LOOKed at.  My office is (or should be) a private zone, even if the door is open.  I can’t imagine walking by my boss’s office and LOOKing in to see what she’s doing, because the LOOKing boils down to one thing – being a snoop.

Perhaps even more annoying, though, than the lack of privacy, is the fact that the LOOKS are distracting.  Even if I’m concentrating on something else, I am immediately distracted by the LOOK.  It’s like an owl has just swiveled its head my direction with its big eyes like circles so I inevitably look up or over and now I’M looking back at The Looker and even more annoyed.  Yes, I know it’s just a split second or so, but it’s jarring and uncomfortable.

One Looker was bad enough.  But now we have acquired TWO Lookers.  And the second Looker is also a Loud Talker and Obnoxious Cell Phone Ringer, but that’s another post.  Oy.  I guess I will be closing my door and hiding away.  The Lookers don’t seem to be getting bored with the view.  I really wish I could spray them with water when they LOOKed like I do when my pets do something bad.  Hee hee!  I think that would be a swift remedy.

Which brings me to this post.  At about 16 lbs in, Eric said to me, “Wow, that’s a bowling ball! Can you imagine that??” and that was such a whoa moment for me as I pictured myself dragging around a bowling ball everywhere I went.  So now I thought I’d take a moment to consider what 25 lbs really is.

Twenty-five pounds is . . .

now TWO bowling balls (that I can bowl with, not Eric sized),

a LARGE pumpkin,

a decent sized bag of dog food,

oh yeah, my dog when we got her (ha!),

a KitchenAid…(the Professional one),

a turkey big enough to feed 14 people,

Orazi the cat,

a 2 1/2 year old child (geez!),

and finally…

. . . 

the 25 Lb Lasagna!  Thank you, Google Image search.

And so you can really understand the horror/wonderment of this:

Wow.  Yeah, I definitely think food becomes more unappetizing the larger it is.

Well, that was fun.  And disturbing enough to keep me motivated. 

So, huzzah, DropStop!  My husband will be thrilled that no more will I have to lick the bottle after I pour. Always a classy girl I am.

The definition of “expedite” is:
1. to speed up the progress of; hasten: to expedite shipments.
2. to accomplish promptly, as a piece of business; dispatch: to expedite one’s duties.
3. to issue or dispatch, as an official document or letter.

Please look into this.

No regards,
A

P.S. This is why you’ll always be Canada.

So begins the Carrie Underwood feature in my May issue of Instyle magazine.  Right next to an 8 1/2″ x 11″ picture of her in a white minidress.  Girlfriend looks good.  

Some of you know that recently I’ve been seeing a naturopath and trying to clean up my diet which includes (shocker!) eating more!  Because subsisting on coffee all day and a wee salad is NOT GOOD FOR YOU or your metabolism (and a multitude of other things).  So, the above really jumped out at me.

Now, I’ve never been one of the many people who feel (and probably rightly so) that magazines put forth an unascertainable standard that makes us feel horrible about our own very normal selves.  In fact, for pretty much my whole life I was blissfully unaware and didn’t see models at all, but just the clothes (ahhh, to go back to that time.)  But then I turned 25.  And yeah, when I open a magazine now (particularly one full of celebrities), I can’t help but inwardly cringe and then close the magazine abruptly and give myself a bolstering pep talk.  

And, yes, I know that celebrities starve themselves and subsist on a lettuce leaf, a grape, and water with cayenne pepper for days on end especially before an event.  But it seems to me that these things were always sort of dirty little secrets to be splayed out in articles titled “Dirty Little Diet Secrets of the Stars.”  They were not evidence of discipline or control and healthy eating.  Yet here it is, the start of the article in size 46 red font as though Carrie Underwood is the epitome of healthfulness.  And therein is my beef (no pun).  By writing about it in a less gossipy more upscale magazine like Instyle instead of, say, OK! Weekly, it legitimizes this unhealthy behavior.  I know better and yet this wee little voice still chimes in with, “Ooh! Is that how she does it?? Note to self: starvation + One (1) weight watchers bar = great success.”

Can I also point out that this was a Grammy Awards REHEARSAL?  Holy Crap, Carrie.  Eat a fucking sandwich.

My tummy, the one inch of skin between my boobs (weird, right?) and all those other places that don’t regularly see the sun wish I had listened.  I’d say I’m rocking a color named Hot Coral. 

I now have the very exciting task of writing the wording for our wedding invitations. This is actually a pretty simple task, but since Google exists and I love to research all options before I click the purchase button, I’ve pored through sample wordings on the web.

A few of my faves (and commentary, of course):

We’ve paired up, par for the course
and playing through!
Please join us,
BRIDEandGROOM
on our wedding day
as we turn a stroke of luck
into a winning streak!

Golf. Ok, so maybe you met playing golf, you both enjoy and share a love of golf, but not even Tiger Woods would incorporate golf into a wedding invitation. And maybe that should be the standard. Seriously.

The sun, the stars, the earth
and all of God’s creatures
join in His divine plan of the universe
Come celebrate with us one special part
when we, BRIDEand GROOM
exchange marriage vows

Wow, really? All that came together for you two? Creatures, even? Ok, then. I’ll just keep my mouth shut since I’m vastly outnumbered and ill-equipped to deal with creatures.

“Two-Stepping” our way
into a new life…
the dance will begin
for a husband and wife.

Ah, a western theme! Unless you’re going to two-step your way down the aisle or you’re both two-steppin’ champions, No.

His love is the sunshine
that keeps me warm
To me, she’s the rainbow
after the storm
His love gave me wings
it has set me free
And wherever she is
that’s where I want to be
We invite you to be with us
as we begin our new life together

1) Vomit; 2) You MUST include Pepto tablets with this invitation for the resulting and continuing nausea for as long as the invite stays tacked to the fridge; 3) Why is “His” always capitalized and “she” always buried in the middle? Just asking.

Love is in the air…
we make a great pair!
You’re invited to attend
our wedding affair

Written by a Hallmark flunkie. A 6 year old could write and rhyme better than this.

We get along so well
that we are getting married
BRIDEandGROOM
Come join the celebration
and share in our joy

Now that’s the standard isn’t it? I can stand you, you can stand me, let’s go for it!

The woo’in and the courtin’s done
Our life together has begun.
BRIDEandGROOM
request the honour of your presence
as they tie the knot

Another western theme . . . but wow, the “woo’in” is done? I kinda thought that was supposed to continue THROUGH the marriage. I hardly think any gal would say yes to a proposal along the lines of, “I’m done woo’in ya now. How’s about we get married?”

Our course is set,
it’s full speed ahead;
we’re sailing toward,
the day we’ll be wed!

Again with the themes. If you’re going to use this one, you’d better be getting married on a boat, or be a captain or something. (Hahaha, and now I’m picturing Cap’n Crunch (and wanting cereal).)

Everyone will be green with envy
when they see how happy we are together
BRIDEandGROOM
invite you to share in the joy
when they exchange marriage vows
and begin their new life together

YES!! That was the emotion I was going for – jealousy!! Why, oh why, do so many invitations overlook the wanting to make our guests feel lousy about their lives and jealous of ours!

And now, my FAVORITE:

We reeled in true love…
BRIDEandGROOM
invite you to join them
as they make it O-FISH-AL
at their wedding

Hands down the best one. It has ALL the elements. Theme, check (fishing even!)! Pun, check! Play on words, check! Punny spelling, CHECK! It has it all.
Though, I do wonder about the couple that would use this wording. Both competitive fisherpeople (is that the PC term?)? I can’t believe it’s just a love of fishing, because we ALL have hobbies, but they don’t get incorporated into the wedding (and shouldn’t). Is this for those grooms that get to pick or write the wording for their invitations?? This is the only plausible answer to me. I visualize this guy whose bride gives him the invitations as his one task and she ends up with trout cards with this wording and he thinks he’s done an amazing job. “It’s funny,” he explains. I’m not sure what she says back, probably nothing for a few days and maybe he’ll eventually find a real trout in his car or something. You don’t fuck with the bride when she gives you a task.

• “what should i name my blog?” : Well that took a lot of thought now didn’t it? Takes the adage of K.I.S.S. to a whole new level. Though, to be fair to the contributor of this title, every post could then be titled what I would name the blog that day depending on the post. This is either clever, or lazy, but probably both.

• “hear hear/ hear ye hear ye/ hear me hear me: b/c someone needs to listen to me”: Punny, yet sad.

• “it’s fucking hot”: I was slow on ideas today and, well, fucking hot. Which led me to:

• “it’s 117 here today, how are you?”: Self-explanatory

• “views from satan’s oven”: Yep, still hot.

• “I need oven mitts to drive my car: Wedding planning and other observations from the Saguaro State”: thanks, meg. so true.

• “Me, Me, Me: So I don’t get bored”: Really much, much, MUCH too fitting and while I love the subject, one should be more subtle about these things.